When in a relationship, it’s common that one person earns more than the other. If you live together, what do you do when it comes to household bills? Do you split the bills equally, or do you split them proportionally according to each person’s income?
I felt compelled to debate this topic further after reading a Facebook post where an individual (female) earning 35% more than her partner (male) was asking for advice on what was fair when it comes to splitting the household bills. The couple are not married and have no children.
Her partner didn’t think he should be paying 50% of the joint bills because:
a) he said he couldn’t afford it and
b) he didn’t think it was fair that his higher earning partner would always have more money than him.
Let’s pause here to remind ourselves that personal finance is just that, personal. It is nuanced and multifaceted and there isn’t one size fits all when it comes to dealing with situations like this - what works for one person in one scenario won’t necessarily work for another person in a different scenario.
Nonetheless, here’s my take on sharing household bills...
Everyone is individually responsible for their own financial situation
Whether you’re single, in a relationship or married, every able minded and bodied dult should be responsible for their own monetary situation. Everyone should strive not to have reliance on anybody else to support them financially, whether that’s a partner, family, friends or the taxpayer.
We live in the real world and not an ideal world – as such, there are always going to be situations where this isn’t possible and people do have financial reliance on others. For example, where someone is seriously ill and can’t work. However, in general, no adult should have the expectation that anyone else is responsible for footing the bill for their living expenses or lifestyle.
As is relates to the above scenario: “I can’t afford my share of the joint bills for which I am equally responsible” is not acceptable. The argument “my partner should pay some of my share just because she earns more” doesn't sit well.
If one person in the partnership cannot afford their share of the joint financial obligations, the default position should never be to rely on the other person to pick up the shortfall. The default position should be that the person who cannot afford their share needs to a) work to increase their earnings or b) choices need to be made to reduce the household bills so that they are affordable for both parties.
Never let anyone make you feel guilty for earning more money than they do
A hard hitting home truth: all work is not equal and some people will always earn more than other. That being said, your earning potential as an individual is unlimited.
If your partner is making you feel guilty or they are resentful that you earn more than them, it’s time to seriously consider whether you’re with the right person. If a partner is making you feel bad about any element of your successes (financial or otherwise), then take it as a serious red flag.
In the above scenario, “it’s not fair that you’ll always have more money than me” is a complete nonsense. The real injustice here is that the default position is that the higher earner will pick up the shortfall out of their earnings, rather than the lower earner finding a way to boost theirs.
Splitting household bills 50/50 is completely reasonable
If you’re the higher earner in the relationship, the expectation shouldn’t be that you pay a greater proportion of the joint bills. The expectation should be that you agree to live a lifestyle which is also within the means of and affordable to the lower earner so they can contribute their fair share and aren’t over stretched.
If you’re the lower earner in the relationship, the expectation shouldn’t be that you’ll have some of your bills covered by your high earning partner. The expectation should be that if you want to live a lifestyle on the level that your high earning partner could afford, you need to first increase your earnings.
Remember - this is my opinion and you don't have to agree. This is a generalised opinion based on the above scenario and a one-size-fits all view will not cover every eventuality. For example, what happens if a baby comes along and one partner has to stop working to care for the baby and subsequently has a much lower income? I’m sure you’ll agree that this is a completely different scenario with it’s own host of specific variables to consider.
An observation from reading the comments on the Facebook post which sparked this article: those advocating that household bills should be split proportional to income were usually (but not always) the lower earner. Interesting.
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